Cab Ride #2

Ok, this happened sometime during the spring semester of 2009. For those of you don't know downtown Akron is a shit hole of the lowest standards. It looks like poverty and despair threw up south of campus. I consider myself lucky if I can go out and come home without getting shanked. This is little blip is what happened to a friend and I one night when I was trying to get home from the bar. My friend "River" and I were leaving my favorite watering hole, The Barley House, and decided to take a cab back to my house. I flag down a taxi already waiting outside the bar, and we hop in. As soon as I shut the door, the driver takes off...fast. He squeals the tires as he accelerates. He is a large fat white man with long hair, and that white trash look some are simply born with. He resembles the retarded brother "Mikey" on American Chopper. He smells like liquor, and has one arm the seat beside him and is turning his body so he can talk to us in the backseat similar to the way some people back up. He smells like straight booze and talks like he hit the meth pipe one to many times in his life through his four crooked teeth.
MikeyCab-"Where ya headin?"
Me-"*123 Carroll St. Its a fraternity house. Do you know where I am talking about?"
MikeyCab- "Yea."
Me-"Just go straight up Exchange take a left of Spicer, and a right on Orchard by the interstate."
The cab is floating. We are going way too fucking fast. We are going at least 15-20 mph over the limit, and that is my best drunk estimate.
MikeyCab-"Mannn...you wouldn't believe the shit that just happened to me."
River-"Whats that?"
MikeyCab-"Dude I picked up before you was a diabetic or some shit. Had a seizure in the backseat-threw up n shit. I had to dump him off at St. Thomas ER".
Me-"Dump him?"
MikeyCab-"Yea, his buddy was with him. He got out and then I took off. I didn't have time to fill out shit. I had to pick up people like you guys! I'm gonna take a left here by where they are putting up that new stadium."
Me-"Their is no left here. The only left is the one you gotta take on Spicer".
MikeyCab (as he is slowing down to turn left)- "You callin' me liar". I give River the what the fuck look that you can't fake.
River-(whispers to me)"We are going to die. He is crazy and is going to kill us." She is white as a ghost at this point and appears mortally frightened. I exploit this opportunity to be the asshole I am. Its what I do best.
Me- "No, he will in all probability kill me and rape you. Being a girl sucks sometimes, but you get free drinks so fuck it."
MikeyCab (after he discovers their is no left turn)-"Man, they must have taken that road out when they put in that football field...fuckers. I'll go up Spicer".
Me-"Awesome. Wish I would have thought of that stroke of genius. Take a right on Orchard...it'll be like a half mile up."
As we are barreling down Spicer, I yell to him to slow down as he going to miss the turn. He misses the turn, and then proceeds to BACK UP ON SPICER. DUDE IS BACKING UP ON A MAIN ROAD! He takes a right down Orchard. For those of you who don't know Orchard is barely a street it is too narrow, about a 100 yards long, and is one step above a dirt road. It has huge potholes everywhere. We are accelerating fast and approaching the turn to my frat's parking lot.
MikeyCab-"Here? O shit!"
He slams on the brakes to avoid going past our driveway. I see headlights behind us, and hear a horn. I believe at this point I am going to die. A truck is right behind us, and retard just slammed on the brakes. The truck passes us, and MikeyCab yells "fuck you" at the truck...as if its there fault he doesn't know how to drive or succeed at life for that matter. He attempts to pull in the driveway, but has gone too far. He backs up on a road....again. He pulls in and stops. We are at my house and we are not dead. This is good.
MikeyCab- "That'll be 7 bucks"
Me-"Heres 10. Keep it. Thanks for not killing us"
MikeyCab-"Anytime. Your alright bro."