The great outdoors.

On June 20, 2009 my friend 'Rat' and I decide we are going out. As this is the last day of summer classes I announce I will be hammered. This is not new. Rat asks me if he will be carrying me home which causes me to laugh. See, Rat is one of my best friends and my fraternity brother (we've lived together for 4 years), so he has known me for a while. We were pledge brothers so we have been through some shit. And for all of you Greeks out there you can only imagine they type of "shit" I am talking about. Pledging is 'the best semester you'd never wanna do again', and those men who do this endeavor together are forever scarred emotionally in a a similar fashion. Anyhow, back to the story. See I used to get reallllly drunk, and this level of complete blackouted-retardation was and still is known as "Boso-drunk". It is the last level of drunk one can be before they have to have their stomach pumped. I announce I have bought a bottle of vodka, some Red Bull and am going to get stupid. I plan to surpass the Boso-drunk level. Rat joins me.

We start drinking at 6pm with our friends Asshole and LipRing, and plan on going to the Barley House around 10:30. After playing hours of powerhour we are thoroughly shitfaced. Asshole is a rep for Monster energy drinks so he brought a case of the stuff over. So not only are we all drunk, we are also all wired and hyper. I decide we should all do shots. Two girls come in. I decide they should do shots as well. I demand they get more glasses because the one girl is a dirty whore, and I am afraid of getting the HIV from her. I make a Smirnoff/Monster bomb and attempt to chug it. I seize up, start choking, and have to leave the room before this stuff comes out of my nose. It does not go down well. I regroup, psych myself up, and then try again. Success. I am now wasted. I look around all three of my friends, they are all drunk as shit....this is going to be a good night or a really bad one.

LipRing announces it is time to go and that he has a ride for us waiting in the parking lot. We head out only to be met in the parking lot by a gorgeous girl. She is a 10 by all standards. I drunkenly step my game up and announce "your fuckin' hot" to her. She laughs and then proceeds to think I am indeed an idiot-tool. We arrive at Barley, and immediately head to to the bar. I order lots of car bombs and tequila. Rat leaves me to drink all of the shit I order by myself because he can no longer hang with me. Fuck him. I drink a ton of stuff that I should not have. I then basically black out. I remember telling a girl that used to be fat that she is now unfat. I thought this was a compliment at the time, but she doesn't appreciate it. I then get a feeling of nausea...I am going to vomit. I run outside and throw up on a potted tree around a large group of smokers. They are not happy. I throw up on my hand and then use that hand to attempt to call a cab. No cabs are sight. I then vaguely remember some girl telling me she will drive me home. I do not know who this was, but she basically carries me to a car. The next hours are a blur but here is what I remember:

• Walking around an apartment. Who's this was or why I was in it; I do not know.
• Buying 40 dollars worth of food at Taco Bell.
• Accusing the man working the drive through at T-Bell that he is a 'dirty Jew' for not putting vodka in my frutista.
• Throwing 35 dollars worth of food at my friend's SUV for no reason.
• I then see Rat at the frat. He has not happy. We believe that another guy (Jaba) has stolen his room. We plot to get his room back. We enter Jaba's room believing it is Rats. I smack his X-Box headset off his head and finger his ear. Rat yells and throws something. We realize we are on the wrong floor of the house and leave Jaba's room.
• Rat passes out in the hallway outside my room.

This is the last blur-o-shit I remember before what happens next. I wake up...OUTSIDE. It is raining, I am cold, and in boxers. What the fuck? I look around. I am behind my house and their is a pile of vomit next to me. My best guess is that I went outside to puke and then passed out. I look at myself...someone has drawn nazi symbols all over me. I immediately right this off as Karma for me calling the man at Taco Bell a "dirty Jew" hours before. I come in and check my pants pockets...I have spent 80 dollars but have no criminal citations. This is good. I immediately get in the shower and scrub the "white trash aura" off myself, and prepare to endure a really fucking bad hangover. I woke up outside. I still can't believe this shit.